INT.  DRAKE RESIDENCE – GYM – DAY

Jeffery Drake jumps rope.  He’s good at it.  Better than you.  Much better.  Ben Hoste of Belgium once completed 95 revolutions of the rope in thirty second while jumping on only his right foot. Drake's more of an 80 revolutions guy. You stopped paying attention to this paraenthetical about five minutes ago or you skipped it altogether. Ransom sits in front of the camera in a comfortable sofa seat.  He’s about to talk.  You’re better than him at it.  Probably much better.

Ransom:  So apparently our family representative has makeup covering eighty percent of his body.  Or so you would believe if all you did was listen to our slutastic opponent at the upcoming card, Ryan Ford.  This is her example of a “joke” – whereas the rest of her humor must be completely derived from completely and totally ignoring everything we had to say to her.  Cheers to that, by the way.

Jeffery Drake crosses up the rope, continuing with his work out.  He’s like a hummingbird – or Luke Boon of Australia who completed 488 revolutions in three minutes on only his right foot. You care deeply about my random jump-roping facts. Ransom continues.

Ransom:  You know if you were in a courtroom, and I’m sure you have been, you’d realize that you probably want to listen to the lawyers, attorneys, bailiffs, witnesses and especially the judge.  You may even want to take notes.  What makes you think that when we’re talking to you – you might not want to do the same thing?

Drake throws the rope down and wipes down with a towel.  He takes a seat in another chair near Ransom.

Ransom:  We’re not lying when we talk about how esteemed our family is.  There’s a line of people, no joke, waiting to just have the opportunity just to interact with us.  And our half-deaf and blind Association President ignored all those people and gave a newcomer a shot against the all-star. And you, Ryan Ford, aren’t even going to pay attention to what we say?

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t reply to us?

Ransom:  Well she kind of did, in a round-about way – but she went over the top to not address us directly, to make it sound like this match is trivial to her or something. 

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t have anything to say about us ribbing “her” for namedropping people no one ever heard of?

Ransom:  Nope.

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t have a rebuttal to our claim that “she” broke “her” own neck when “she” had to crane it skywards in order to see us on our pedestal?

Ransom:  Not so much.

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t praise us for our “Anatomy of Matthew Attict” public service announcement?

Ransom:  No, not at all.

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t give us even the slightest reply about knowing “her” secret?

Ransom:  Probably could care less.

Jeffery Drake:  “She” didn’t try to stir any pots, turn any heads?

Ransom:  She did talk to what appeared to be a hooker.

Jeffery Drake:  And you wanted me to watch “her” interview, why?

Ransom:  I don’t know, to give her the benefit of the doubt?

Drake gets out of the chair and goes back to the jump rope. 

Ransom:  You see Ryan, that’s the thing about Jeffery Drake, your perfect hero – he’s the best, but has a short attention span.  Forgets some things he should remember, remembers TONS of stuff he shouldn’t.  I have a pretty good feeling that he’ll forget about you completely after whenever the hell this card is.  I won’t though – since I retired from the ring about nine years ago – I’ve become more of a businessman. 

Ransom picks up a clipboard and calculator from the coffee table before him.  He then removes a pen from his coat pocket.

Ransom:  We’re here to pay off a debt of entertainment.  We’re a couple hairs over seven-hundred and fifty thousand dollars short of what we owe to the fans and our peers – and once that debt is gone, so are we.  A lot of people have no problem with that – in fact they’ve offered their salaries to us in charity.  We graciously denied – but it doesn’t mean we’re not willing to expedite the process a little.

Ransom punches some numbers on the calculator and makes some notes on the clipboard.

Ransom:  My sources on the executive board tell me that you’ll make a healthy sum of cash for your debut appearance here.  We’re happy that some people bought into the lies of your former championships and claims of success.  Money is money after all – and after seeing where you live – we know you need it.  By why not double your money?  Why not put you appearance fee on the line against Jeffery Drake at the big event?  It’s not that much money and gives both of you something to fight for.

He turns the clipboard to the camera, which shows a small, poorly drawn diagram.

Ransom:  See this is you.  You’ll have the opportunity to upset the greatest and most decorated perfect hero you’ve ever seen.  To have your name skyrocket to the top of the rankings, to see more press in wrestling publications, to be the talk of the town as people gather around the water cooler and mention something to the effect of “you see that skank that pinned Jeffery Drake – hey that almost rhymes.”  See all of that could be for you!  And all our family’s representative wants in return is your appearance fee when you lose.  Simple as that.  Your instant fame versus Drake earning a couple extra bucks.

He pulls the clipboard back away from the camera. 

Ransom:  Yeah, others out there might say that we’re lowering our standards – but look at our opponent – like we have any choice.  Though, you outside of Ryan Ford – actually do have a choice.  You can speak up.  Sure you’re busy, sure you’re probably a little mesmerized.  Sure you think it’s too hard to keep up, so why even try?  Just perk up and shout out, it’s your civic responsibility. 

Jeffery Drake drops the jump rope and walks off camera with a towel and a bottle of water.

Ransom:  I mean, why not?  Speak up, be heard – new or old to this tired retired community – speak up.  He’ll listen, or at least I will listen with the help of one of our family interns.  The Chris Cannons, the Straders, the Capones, the Borings – this is an opportunity – take your chance to come to him – trust me, you don’t want him coming straight at you.  That’s not a threat – it’s more of a commandment.  TTFN.

Drake reenters the frame.

Jeffery Drake: "She" didn't even mention "she" finds me attractive?

Ransom: Do you really care?

Jeffery Drake: No. But it's still nice to hear, like a professional courtesy or something.

Ransom: I think the nicest courtesy you'll receive from her is walking away after your match without a sexually transmitted disease or something. I swear, her last interview was delivered on tape, but I could swear I smelt her through screen.

Jeffery Drake: I guess I better wear protection. And maybe horse blinders. Horse blinders... yeah - that's definitley something I can get on board with.

Cut. Thankfully.