EXT. DES MOINES, IOWA – DRAKE UNIVERSITY – DAY.

Iowa.  Seven in the morning, the grass is wet.  The campus is surprisingly busy with students running back and forth.  A SoCal impression of an Iowa university involves students riding to class on cows and having to spend their lunches tending to the livestock in the giant barn that doubles as their basketball arena.  Those SoCal impressions are probably wrong.  But it smells.  Smells just like you think Iowa would smell.

Ransom sits at a small table outside a campus coffee house.  Two sugars.  No cream.  He sits with an attractive female in a Drake University sweatshirt.  Her hair’s in a bun and she has glasses.  She wins.  Ransom looks like a slightly overweight stalker next to her.  She has a pen and paper, as well as a recorder placed upright on the table.

-- Thanks for being here so early.  When will your representative be joining us?

- He got caught up with something.  He’ll be here soon.  You still want to begin?

-- Sure.  You’ll have to forgive me.  I’m not a wrestling fan.

- You’re better off.

-- I figured as much.  And I see you have your own camera crew with you?  Is this some sort of reality television thing… or?

- In a way, yeah.  We have been forced to become what we hate most – the talking heads speaking to peers without a clue.  Like there’s this one guy – let’s call him Malone – goes to great lengths before hand to criticize my representative Jeffery Drake for being unoriginal, for sticking to the past, for being a copy of a copy – and SECONDS later completely flips the switch and becomes the absolute KING OF HYPOCRISY.  He criticizes my man for doing what he’s been doing for years now – and how there’s no place for in this “new society” and all of a sudden someone brings it up to him that he’s doing all those same things himself – just much poorer.  We even had our technical agent go to great lengths to create a webform for him to compose his next interview.  If he looked at it – he sure as hell never submitted anything and then the smug son of a –

-- Let me stop you right there.

- Sorry.  I get all “ranty” in the morning.  Not something I like to put out there.

-- It’s no problem.  But why all this bent up aggression to another guy – I was under the impression Mr. Drake hasn’t wrestled in an event yet for this… um.. gathering?

- Association.  And a weak one at that.  Mr. Drake likes to pluck feathers, to sit people on their ass, put a finger in their face and tell them all the things wrong with him.  Normally when he’s through – everyone laughs and rejoices where the person who gets set down doesn’t like to acknowledge it ever happened.

-- One of the guys in my office – he’s a fan but not very camera friendly – gave me this quote from the Malone guy in question.  He says, “You're here to wrestle,” meaning Mr. Drake, “on a legal technicality.  [You’re] just here to pay off a debt. You can't expect people to care about that, and they don't.”  Seems like an odd line from a guy who spends an hour riffing on your clients.

- Well Malone is a special individual.  We’ve only had a good week and a half or so to take a look at the guy.  He’s flip-flopped his stance and viewpoints at least a half-dozen times in that period.  I guess November 7th is right around the corner and maybe it should be expected.  But he says people don’t care.  That’s ridiculous.  You take a look at the recent CWA interview archives – no one other than Drake talks about Malone.  EVERYONE talks about Jeffery Drake.  Everyone takes notice.  Guys come out of obscurity, much like Malone, much like Attict – just to see if after these years of inactivity is Drake still has it.  My representative proved it in his first REAL interview last week – and will prove it in the ring in due time.  He didn’t fall from his pedestal.  No one rose up to his level.  He just got better.  A LOT BETTER.  He’s got this Malone guy bringing up federations he was never even in – and no association with.  Well, maybe he did – but we sure as hell never noticed him.  What’s it say about a guy who has to do hours of research, watching old interviews and old matches – when all he does is claim that he doesn’t care and Jeffery Drake doesn’t matter.

-- You’re doing it again.

- My apologies.  It’s the coffee.  I was off it for awhile because it’s a yuppie drink.  I don’t know why I went back.

-- Will this Malone guy get a match?

- We told him next Wednesday.  Or the Wednesday after that – whatever works for him and whenever the staff running the booking at the CWA gets their ass in gear.  We’ll jerk the curtain if its necessary – Malone’s used to it – make him comfortable, you know?

-- And what is your relationship with the staff of the CWA?

-  It’s impossible for me to imagine that you could care the slightest bit about all that.

-- Well that’d be correct – but this is the interview they want me to have.  So – what is your relationship with the staff of the CWA?

- For the most part – they’ve been very accommodating, other than the fact that they can’t process a roster application for the life of them (cough).  They understand our legal situation; we are here paying off a debt of entertainment.  And well it so far hasn’t been as easy a process as we had originally envisioned – we’re getting there.  Mr. Sable, the executive chair of the association looks to have designated Mr. Drake as an answer to some of the wrestler problems he’s having in the CWA.  Some Outkasts or something – we’ll address that problem when we feel like it.  Which isn’t now, but probably soon.  Probably. 

-- Is it true that one wrestler even offered up their salary in order to expedite Mr. Drake’s stay in the CWA?

- That’s right – guy named Vicious.  We had our doubts about him initially here in the CWA – but Jeffery being the progressive thinker that he is – extended the olive branch.  And what do you know – Vicious stepped up to the plate.  We won’t be taking his salary – charity issues and what not that conflict with our legal strategies.  He beat a man last Wednesday in a blink of an eye, in less time than half the rosters’ drawn out ring entrance.  Impressive, somewhat.  And while we would have preferred a submission victory, his pin was somewhat impressive none-the-less. 

-- I don’t know much, but you seem like the kind of person that would have trouble getting along with someone on a professional level. 

- Thanks?

-- I don’t mean to be insulting – but it’s pretty obvious in the brief minutes of this interview that Mr. Drake and yourself look down at those around you.

-  We do.  Sure.  But we’ve got friends in high places.  We’ve HAD friend in the ring before too.  Sure – they are mainly all family – but friends still.  Anyone else – sure – we’ve probably turned on them.  It happens – it’s good for business.  Vicious knows this, we hope.  He doesn’t glorify Drake.  He recognizes the scrubs that will always try to attach their self to the metaphorical teet of Jeffery Drake, just like Malone.  Vicious understands saying the Drake name in the right space – gets you attention, gets you a shot at the main even – if he’s willing to acknowledge you.

-- Now my notes show me that this “Vicous” claims he’s the number one ranked athlete in this promotion.  Maybe that’s why Mr. Drake is somewhat nice to him?

- Wait.  Sorry.  What do your notes say?

-- A quote from “Vicious” – … “as a number one ranked athlete in this, [the CWA], promotion.”

- He must have misspoken.  Our representative, regardless of the number of matches under his belt in a promotion, is immediately and unanimously the undisputed number one ranked athlete in any promotion he sticks his head into.

-- Oh.

-  Oh is right.

-- Anything else to add on “Vicious”?

- Not much.  If he wants to take his shot at champion while still fulfilling his agree upon commitments to tagging with Jeffery Drake – we can support him.  He’ll probably win that match, hell we can make sure that he does.  But Jeffery’s the kind of guy who says he doesn’t want a belt one week, and then wake up in the middle of the night and demand a title shot.  Unfortunately – with the way history is… if Jeffery Drake asks for a title shot – Jeffery Drake will get a title shot.

-- That must be a sweet deal.

- He enjoys it.

-- Okay – there’s one more talking point I have to get to – Matthew Attict?  Who is he?

Ransom’s reply is interrupted as Jeffery Drake approaches in the background of the shot.  He’s dressed in a freshly bought Drake University sweatshirt.  Jeffery’s smile is ear-to-ear baby, a kid on Christmas morning time a thousand.  (Lines in this italicized section may be shamefully stolen from the silver and small screens.) 

Jeffery Drake:  I love this place.  Something about seeing your name all over the place – like my own little monument.

- And it doesn’t bother you that there are only a few actual fans here that know who you are.

Jeffery Drake:  You live in your world – I’ll live in mine.  For this morning at least.  I love Iowa.  Except for the smell.  Hi.

-- Hi Mr. Drake – thanks for joining us – we were just about to talk about a Mr. Attict.

- Ah… here ya go.

Jeffery Drake:  Matt Attict?  Matt “never-lives-up-to-anything” Attict?  Matthew “tanning oil” Attict?  Dr. Matthew “never-been-laid-and-takes-out-his-frustrations-in-boring-half-assed-interviews” Attict the third?  Matt “carbon copy” Attict?  I love Matt Attict.

-- You have a history?

Jeffery Drake:  Attict and I go back like Jesus and Judas.  I’m always the one winning all the praise, looked up to as the true hope for the future – and he’s the shady one who people mistakenly buy into the fact that he has a big game – but is just gonna say something behind your back in an effort to get you skewered.  Damn Romans.

-- Did you hear his recent statement?  I have a copy here if you’d like.

Jeffery Drake:  No, I watched – regardless what I say.  I’m a fan of Attict.  There’s something about seeing a steroid addict in the minutes before he bursts that’s just so thrilling.  He’s the anti-Nicole Richie.  He’s so caught up in asking people to shut him up he doesn’t realize that his frequent vacations were never his choice, they were mandated by the fact – that my family, embarrasses him beyond all reason.

- He wants a match Jeff.

Jeffery Drake:  Who doesn’t?  Whatever.  Wednesday after next – or whenever.  You make the calls Attict, I’m too busy soaking up this fine educational establishment to be worried by such mindless concerns.  I’ll even give you an out – a tag match, myself and Vicious versus you and whomever – so you can blame someone when I make you tap.  See – I’m still so generous after all these years. Just remember - the only reason I drop your name so frequently - is because you're such an easy, slow target.

-- Well, thanks for that.

Jeffery Drake:  That’s why I’m here.

-- Do you mind telling me a little about your history?

Jeffery Drake:  Would I!?!

Ransom rolls his eyes and gives a motion for their own camera feed to cut tape before the retelling of both Testaments of the Charm family history.